| Why does Paul get to claim himself the “Foremost of Sinners”? Who would God declare the supreme sinner? The worst serial killer? Child molesters? Satan for certain! But for a few hours in time, God asked His Son to carry this title and the weight of the punishment it merited. God put all those sins on Jesus, who is “gentle and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29). Every murder, every harm to another human being, every man, woman, and child who, in foolish pride, turns away from God to do it their way, from history past to the end of time, Jesus bore all our sins. There was no other way for fallen humans to save themselves (Romans 8:3-4). God would have to die for us. And He did.
If our sins are already paid for, does the whole world get Jesus’ merit just because He gave it? Yes, but we must receive it. We must come to know, like Paul, that our sin deserves death and receive the free gift of the suffering and death Jesus so lovingly took in our place. Our depravity is not something we can will ourselves to see. The Holy Spirit must open our eyes to the depth of our rebellion from a holy God.
I grew up in an evangelical church. I can remember from my youth the many times Jesus was near to me, protecting me and, in hindsight, urging me toward Himself. When I was in college and working at a Christian summer camp, I finally heard the gospel. I had heard the words plenty of times before, but it was the first time God made me hear Truth in my heart in such a way that I wanted to be transformed by Him. He made me see my sin in such a way that though it was socially acceptable, it was in no way God-acceptable. He opened my eyes so that I felt before a Holy God as if I were the foremost of sinners. He brought my sin before my eyes on a highlight reel (or maybe we should call it a low-life reel?) so that we both watched the history of my sin in the same moment. With no way to conceal what God already knew about me, I was able to repent and grieve my sin, but I was also able to thank Him profusely for rescuing me. I was free! From that day on, I was free from Satan’s power, free from myself, and free from anyone who would pass judgment on me because my sin is covered in the blood of Jesus. Even at such a young age, I felt God’s tremendous patience with me and was grieved that it took me until age 19 or 20 to turn from self-sufficiency to Him. Sometime after this, my father, who was not a believer at the time, said, “There’s something very different about you. You have changed.” He could see God’s transformational work happening before his very eyes. God has not stopped using me and my life as a testimony to my father, who recently came to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Once again, I am praising Jesus for His perfect patience and for coming into this world to save sinners like me and my Dad.
What if you don’t feel like the foremost of sinners? Perhaps you have been in Christ for a while now, and that initial awe has worn off. Ask Him to show you more. Ask Him to show you those subtle sins you cannot see in yourself. I am not suggesting you give back the grace that was given to you or that you need to wallow in self-loathing. God gives more grace when He enables us to see more of our sin. This is how we grow closer to Him, and when we grow godward, it is impossible to waste our lives. We will fulfill what He has called us to do. Remember, one who is forgiven much, loves much (Luke 7:47). |
