Our 37th spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Rocky Meadow’s story, “Rocky Road to Recovery.”
MY STORY
I grew up a rough inner city kid in Baltimore, Md. I also had two very country hillbilly parents from Beckley, WV. Let me tell you that don’t do much for a young kid with low self-esteem like me. I took my first drink when I was 10 years old and it wowed me and changed me. Looking back, I believe I was an addict/alcoholic immediately. From that point on I always drank and used drugs. By the time I was 17 I entered my first treatment center in Maryland. I still didn’t want to believe what was wrong with me… that I truly was an alcoholic/addict and that without God I was powerless over this ailment. At that point my father passed away and I was taught in treatment to change people places and things. So, I moved to West Virginia. I didn’t know I would bring me with me. I got to West Virginia and found out I was still an addict, now in another state. In the beginning I was able to hold together short periods of stability… later on I wasn’t able to. I eventually became a homeless drug addict for about ten years. I also spent a lot of time being arrested and incarcerated, all said in total it was 37 arrests and over 10 years in prison. I had previously had an encounter with God. I met Jesus Christ at an altar of an old Baptist church and thought finally I know God so I’ll be ok now. The truth is I became the worst ever after knowing God. Before I was destined for Hell now I was a born again believer and was under attack. I later found out that there is scripture that speaks of what happened to me in Matthew 12 “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, (Job 1:7; 1 Pet. 5:8) he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none.44Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order.45Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; Mark 5:9; Luke 11:26; (Heb. 6:4–8; 10:26; 2 Pet. 2:20–22) and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it also be with this wicked generation.”
You see I was born again but still empty, still immature, and still needing to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I needed the word of God to penetrate my mind so I could operate by my spirit and not by my flesh.
DESCRIBE AHA MOMENT
I will describe two, first was the one that started my journey of recovery. In the middle of my addiction my best friend Jason F. and I went to take some money from a guy at a motel in the middle of the night. I knew the guy so I wasn’t supposed to go in with Jason and there wasn’t supposed to be anyone else in the room or any weapons. Jason got two steps in the room, he was shot and killed. This was a real aha moment because it forever changed the course of my life in a good way. I finally wanted to know God more than anything else in life and didn’t want to live as an active addict anymore. I was sent to prison and inside did a year-long intense therapeutic recovery program. My second aha moment: after being in long term recovery, an ordained pastor, and founder/executive director of LIfehouse (which was operating 100 recovery beds) I found myself drinking again this past Christmas. This made me question everything I knew about recovery and my personal walk with God. What I found to be true is I became disconnected and was not tapping into the power supply. Example: recovery without God is like using an iPod running on the battery it works just fine, you just don’t know when the battery is going to run out. You’ve got to plug it into the power supply the wall (GOD) to have power ever going or keep charging it from time to time to keep it going, also tapping into the source (GOD). Without the power of God we will eventually run out of power and that is our dilemma- lack of power… I need a power greater than myself, which is God.
DESCRIBE THE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS WHILE IN ACTIVE ADDICTION
Complete despair and without hope. The loneliest night I can remember was being a homeless street addict and walking in the middle of the night and couldn’t even get in the dope house because I didn’t have any dope. My second loneliest night was laying in detox after years sober and, I’m thinking, “here I am again.” I know it’s the goodness of God that draws us all to repentance, but for the addict it’s when the pain of staying the same that becomes greater than the pain or fear of change that sparks us to turn to God.
WHAT IS THE DRIVING FORCE THAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH?
Knowing that walking with God and inside His Grace is so much better than anything I could ever choose. Also, not wanting to walk in my self-will ever again and all the pain and confusion that comes with it.
WHAT OBSTACLES OR ROADBLOCKS HAVE YOU ENCOUNTERED ALONG YOUR RECOVERY JOURNEY?
Patience- Learning it’s a journey and not a destination. As a people person and common sense kind of guy I always look for logical answers. The truth is, that in recovery and while walking with God, things don’t always happen how and when we think they should. So I would advise anyone reading this to TUST THE PROCESS. Now when I say that, I don’t mean the process of the recovery center you are in or a 12 steps process exactly, but the process of change- knowing you are coming out the other side of that process changed, healed, delivered, and prepared to be who you are supposed to be.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER STRUGGLED WITH ADDICTION TO KNOW?
If you haven’t started, DON’T! Addiction for the alcoholic/addict takes over and they lose power of choice and it’ll cause them to do unimaginable things they never thought possible of themselves.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Although addiction is a disease that has a mental obsession and a physical allergy causing anyone who uses to keep using, it is spiritual in nature. If you fix the spiritual part you can fix the mental and physical part. There is hope for anyone and with God all things are possible. People really are recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. They are learning their identity- that we are children of God and He loves us and wants great things for us. He’s not just a distant God, He’s our Father- our daddy. If you’ve come this far and you’re in recovery and realize who you are as a child of God, I highly suggest you stay connected and plugged into the power source, to a source of power flowing from God through you so you don’t find yourself with your battery on empty.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please call Addiction Recovery Care at 606.638.0938 or visit them on the web at www.arccenters.com.
There is hope. There is help.
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Rocky is the Founder of Lifehouse, located in Huntington, WV. Lifehouse is a therapeutic community organization created to help men and women recover from alcoholism and substance abuse. You can contact Lifehouse on the web at http://www.thelifehousewv.com or call 304.429.LIFE.
Also, every Monday evening at 7:30pm, Rocky & Lifehouse host The Movement. The Movement is a group of people meeting together, wanting more from life and believing God is the answer. Join them every Monday night at 7:30pm in Huntington, WV. Location details can be found on the Lifehouse Facebook page. You can also watch The Movement live via a link on the Lifehouse Facebook page.
