Our 30th spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Shawn Cook’s story, “I AM REDEEMED.”
I grew up in Fort Gay, WV. doing pretty much the same as any other boys did. I made average grades in school, loved playing sports and riding motorcycles, hanging out with my friends. I wasn’t into drugs or alcohol, all the way to graduation from high school. After high school, I started hanging out with friends and attending parties. Started smoking marijuana. Soon after, selling marijuana. Not long until I was introduced to prescription pain killers. At first, the pain killers were once in a while, but as my lifestyle progressed, as did my selling of both marijuana and pills, the use of the pain killers also progressed. I remember being introduced to Oxycontin very well. It took me by surprise and it had ahold of me before I even knew what hit me. At this point I was balancing a steady use of alcohol, marijuana and pills, sustained by a full-time job, supplemented by a large ring of drug trafficking. Honestly, at this point, I didn’t realize I was addicted, simply because I felt like I had it all going my way and I didn’t have to do without. I was in and out of relationships and trouble, but even that didn’t slow me down. It was when my habit started to outgrow my income that I truly realized my condition. I struggled for years to try and keep up, but it just got more and more. I was busted with several pounds of marijuana. Charged with being involved in a ring of cocaine trafficking. Jailed several times for public intoxication, DUI, fighting, and possession of narcotics. But, somehow, I always seemed to get out of trouble with little more than just a smack on the wrist and maybe a fine. In the summer of 2010, I remember being sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had allowed this addiction and lifestyle to control me to the point that I had nothing left. Not even the enjoyment of life. I had lost everything. I knew I had to make a change. Long story short, I made the first step toward change and Jesus met me there. As a matter of fact, He was always there, waiting for me to take the first step. He allowed me to try to figure things out on my own for a short while, as we too often try to do, but when I totally surrendered my life to His guidance, everything changed.
- Describe your AHA moment
I had been going to a recovery meeting at New Life Outreach church as a part of my rehabilitation program and I continued to attend, on occasion, after I was finished. During those meetings, I was often invited and encouraged to come to church. For a long time, I felt ashamed of myself, even just to think about walking into the sanctuary. Like, I’m not worthy of even walking into the place. The guilt and shame of all the things I had done, haunted me. But, I thank God for allowing someone to help me understand the difference between condemnation and conviction. You see, it was the Holy Spirit of God that was drawing me and the enemy, which is satan, in attempt to deceive me. I started attending church services there and immediately began to feel the spirit inside of me come alive. One Tuesday evening service, the praise and worship team was doing their thing and I remember walking toward the front of the church before I even thought about it. My heart was pounding. I felt like a thousand pounds was on my chest. I turned and looked at the pastor and it was if God’s hand came down and directed me where to go and what to do. I knelt down at the altar and I said to God. “God, if you are real, I need you to reveal yourself to me”. And that’s just what He did. He spoke to my heart and said, “Stand up”. I stood up and the weight had been lifted. I turned around and everyone in the church was singing and shouting and praising God. It was as if they were all cheering for me. All the while I was feeling sorry for myself, these people, as well as many others, were praying for me. It was this AHA moment that forever changed my life. I was born again.
- Describe the feelings and emotions while in active addiction
For the most part, I felt like I was just living my own life the way that I wanted to and it wasn’t anyone else’s business. I didn’t really concern myself with how it affected others. Once I realized that I was completely and totally addicted, I knew I wanted out, but it wasn’t that easy at the time. I felt helpless and hopeless, when I wasn’t high, and I wallowed around in my own self pity for a long time just trying to pretend I was ok. The thought of a total lifestyle change for me was like a mountain in front of me that I knew I had to climb, yet I spent all the time I could possibly stand trying to come up with a way to get around it. I had allowed myself to be convinced that I could make it through some tough times by getting high or even holding on to the thought of my next high. Coming to the point where I had to admit I was powerless over the addiction and take that first step was hard, and for a man it was kinda like I felt like I had lost my manhood, but it was a good decision made amongst a thousand bad ones.
- What is the driving force that keeps you going when times get tough?
I have a personal relationship with Jesus now. I have been given a discernment, concerning His word, along with a hunger and a thirst for more. It’s not something that’s forced, it’s a gift from Him. It not only drives me to constantly examine myself, but also to share the Gospel with others. Jesus died for the sins of the whole world. But it is forever etched in my heart that He loved me even in my sin and gave himself as ransom for me so that I can have a better life. Eternal life. Now that I know this, I have decided to live my life for Him and allow Him to live through me.
- What obstacles or roadblocks have you encountered along your recovery journey?
The hardest part for me was totally giving up the lifestyle. I have eliminated all of the people, places and things in my life that had any association with that lifestyle. Some of them, old friends. Some places and things that were a part of my life for more than a decade. Not saying that I don’t love my friends anymore, it’s just that I have chosen not to do these things anymore, no matter what I have to eliminate. It hasn’t been easy and sometimes it still isn’t. Most importantly, I feel it totally necessary to point out, to anyone and everyone who reads my story, that I am no longer a recovering addict. I am redeemed!
- What is something you want people who have never struggled with addiction to know?
It wasn’t until the first time I experienced withdrawals, and the thought entered my mind that all I needed was more drugs to make me feel better, that addiction became a reality to me. The years I spent before this day were just me living my own life the way I wanted. Point is, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You can, however, make him thirsty.
- What advice do you have for the family members of a person in active addiction?
I honestly don’t know if I would even be alive without my true friends and my family. My advice to you is to always tell the truth. Love and support them, but don’t enable them. It will profit you, or them, nothing by looking down on someone, unless you’re trying to help them up. No use beating a dead horse.
- Closing thoughts
Jesus said, “they that are whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” People who are in these situations, either in active addiction or have hit rock bottom, are prime candidates to receive Jesus into their lives. They need to be surrounded by others who can bring the word, so if you can’t do that, help them find someone who can.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please call Addiction Recovery Care at 606.638.0938 or visit them on the web at www.arccenters.com. You can also contact Isaiah House at 859.375.9200 or at www.isaiah-house.org.
There is hope. There is help.