July 28, 2018
My most embarrassing moment I recall while growing up:
The old Methodist church on the downtown corner of Main Cross and Madison had several features that I thought was unique to that particular building, or at least things it had things I hadn’t seen elsewhere. Today I am focusing on the moveable altar railing that was normally set against the raised platform in the front of the sanctuary. This was reconfigured on the first Sunday of each month to use for Holy Communion. When it was moved away from the platform it provided a space for the preacher to walk in front of the kneeling members and serve them elements of bread and wine. Once pulled apart the wooden rail also revealed a portion of the trim that had holes designed for the little communion cups, once they were emptied of the sacrament. As indeed it should be, Holy Communion was a solemn occasion that called for prayer and private internal reflections on our spiritual walk. It was a time of rededication and making new commitments. The Scriptures warns us not to take the sacrament lightly, or without confessing our sins.
Being young, and the weak vessel that I was, I had a nature tuned more toward light-hearted thoughts and actions. I knew Holy Communion was a serious event and I understood its purpose. I, too, usually saw this time for personal reflection, but I was also too ready at losing focus. On one such Sunday, I carefully and quietly knelt upon the padded altar and bowed my head. After having received the ‘bread’, I saw the minister approaching with the tray of little cups that held the ‘wine.’ Taking my turn, I lifted a cup from the tray, but slightly bumped something in the process. The cup left my hand and landed askew on the tray spilling the juice on the polished silver tray. The cup made such a noise that I just knew was sufficient to be heard outside on the street. I felt every eye in the congregation sharing. The hair on the back of my neck stood at full attention. The minister, keeping his cool, offered the tray again that I might make another attempt. I took one, but I was already consumed with the urge to burst out with uncontrolled laughter. I suppressed it as best I could, but finally nature took its course and I sprayed the area behind the altar, barely missing the preacher. Coking on the bit of wine left in my mouth I tried to bit my lips. I stiffened my limbs in and attempt to control yet another outburst. The person beside me sent an elbow sharply my way that gave me the message that I was out of line. When it was over I had to march back up the aisle and take my seat. I’m certain that my face reflected my embarrassment, so I wanted to run from the church that day, but then again, I deserved having to stay through the following dry sermon.
My most embarrassing moment I’ve done as an adult
My wife and I had been on a day-long drive to explore a portion of the state. As shadows grew long in the day we became hungry. We had already eaten out at a restaurant a few hours earlier so we agreed this time to merely swing into a Walmart and buy some fried chicken. We could eat that while still on the road. After going into the store and rolling our shopping cart to the hot food section we scanned the display. I didn’t see the cut I had in mind, but just the fried drumsticks, thighs, and wings. The young lady working behind the counter came over and asked if she could help. Without thought I asked, “Do you have breasts?” She gave me a blank look as if she was reading my motives and gave a dry “Yes.” Then, realizing what I had said, I rushed to add, “Err, err, chicken, chicken breasts!”
It was too late. She turned red and said that she would get me some. With that she disappeared into the back. I was aghast when I looked around at my wife. She was nearly bent over try to suppress laughter. She was holding her hand over her mouth, but her eyes told me she had lost it. That’s all it took to turn my embarrassment into an uncontrolled blast of unbridled howling. When the girl came back out with the chicken she found my wife and I were each trying to hold each other up. Tears were running down our faces. Other nearby customers looked at us and scratched their heads wondering what had set us off, but we quickly grabbed the chicken, thanked the girl with a nod, and pushed our cart down the aisle in hopes of rapidly escaping the scene. We were afraid to look back. Suzie and I laughed and cried all the way out of the store. Even though years have passed, we still look at each other and laugh when we pass that particular Walmart.
Whether things go wrong while growing up or even after you are an adult, it is important not to take things too seriously. A mistake, a misunderstanding, or just a general loss of decorum, life is too short to worry or long fret about. Nothing endears a celebrity to his or her fans as much as showing they are human. We all slip and fail, but the real stars get back up, smile and press on. I wish that for you, dear reader. I am certain that God has a sense of humor, too. After all, He made us.
