Our 35th spotlight in the FACES OF HOPE: WE DO RECOVER series will focus on Jeremy Knipp’s story, “The day I heard God’s Voice.”
As I tell my story remember I’m not a writer or storyteller:
As I look back at my addiction, I realize I was under the thumb of something much more powerful than I could ever imagine. It all started with an innocent trip to the dentist. Most people will say their addiction started in early childhood or because of a family trauma, not mine. My addiction started when I was prescribed painkillers for an extraction I had performed when I was 28 years old.
I can still remember the day perfectly. I always took the pills as prescribed but on that one day my mom’s husband at the time showed me a different way, a better way in his words. He showed me how to crush and snort my pills and the rush was nothing I’d ever felt before. Right from the start I was hooked. I didn’t know it then, but I was hooked and I never even realized it. As time went on my marriage and my job suffered. No need to guess what happened. That’s right I lost my job.
After losing my job I had to make money and fast. My best friend at the time hooked me up with a guy who was sending people to Florida to the pill mills. I did this for a little while. After a while of doing this, I was arrested and charged with trafficking. I was sentenced to probation which I broke. After I went on the run, I was shown a better way of doing pills and heroin. I was shown how to shoot up. The high was instant, and I was in love or so I thought. At around this time my marriage was over. Now I was out of money and heroin was cheaper and so was meth. The next couple of years I did odd jobs to make money or I stole anything to make money for a fix.
By this time, I was completely engulfed in self-destruction…
DESCRIBE AHA MOMENT
I was arrested at my son’s ball game for an outstanding warrant. On January 23rd I laid on a concrete floor in the drunk tank of the county jail and heard the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard. This voice said only one thing to me “Son it’s time to stop before you die.” Right then and there I was on my knees begging God to help me, pleading for him to show me a better way of life. At this point I felt a hand on my shoulder like God was right there with me I knew everything about myself had to change.
DESCRIBE THE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS WHILE IN ACTIVE ADDICTION
If I had to choose the emotions I felt most in active addiction I would have to say desperation but fear mostly. Fear of not knowing what the next day held or where I was going to sleep.
Desperation, man what a feeling, just the anxiety alone from being so low was hard to deal with.
WHAT IS THE DRIVING FORCE THAT KEEPS YOU GOING WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH?
Knowing God is in my corner keeps me going!!!!!! My belief that God is my Lord and Savior is the most awesome feeling you can have. My kids would have to play a big part as well; I have three sons whom I’m trying to show how to be a better man than I could ever be. And a daughter I’m trying to show what kind of man to marry one day.
WHAT OBSTACLES OR ROADBLOCKS HAVE YOU ENCOUNTERED ALONG YOUR RECOVERY JOURNEY?
I’ve had to serve a year in prison in Florida for breaking my parole. It’s not easy to stay clean in prison that’s for sure. I’ve also had to let go of friends I’ve had for 30+ years just to distance myself from that lifestyle
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER STRUGGLED WITH ADDICTION TO KNOW?
I would like people to understand that those of us who become stuck in active addiction do not want to cause pain, we are simply in bondage. Chained away in the prison of our own minds, we are constantly facing an internal struggle of survival. For most of us, we are continually looking for a way out. Please understand, we were not born inherently evil, but fatally sick.
WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR FAMILY MEMBERS OF A PERSON IN ACTIVE ADDICTION?
Never cease to love these people. Remember, they did not ask for this any more than you asked for the pain that comes with it. Educate yourself; try to learn as much as you can about the disease of addiction. This can be overcome, but it is a process. Always meet people exactly where they are.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I cannot express enough gratitude for the opportunities I have been gifted through the grace of God. I continue to fight this disease everyday and I will continue to help others fight this disease. If you are fighting this disease please don’t ever give up, this is a fight stand strong and let Gods grace touch your heart. Don’t give up before the miracle happens.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, please call Addiction Recovery Care at 606.638.0938 or visit them on the web at www.arccenters.com.
There is hope. There is help.
